Empty

My heart is heavy and has been since the Sandy Hook shooting. Tragedy does not seem to do this incident justice. Its unimaginable. Unfathomable. Incomprehensible.

I've heard the news recounted time and time again. I've seen the faces of these innocent little people whose lives were taken. I been overwhelmed with imagery of utter pain. And, I can't help but to wonder how would I react? What would I do? How could I go on?

These families have gaping holes - physically and emotionally. My heart, prayers and thoughts are with them all.

Levity

There are a few things that absolutely calm me. My kids humor - intentional or unintentional - is always a welcome change from the rat race that I have found to be my reality. I can walk through the door with a day's worth of baggage and stress and I hear Ashton say, "Mommy's home" and it all melts away. At least for a moment.

This week has been extra comedic.

Sidney's contract to (not with) her brother - which I am sure he could not read - stating that his signature indebted him to her if a ransom was not paid. Of course he signed on the line. He can write his name - why wouldn't he sign?

Ashton's newly found love for engineering - crafting a pulley system that lowers down objects that he's too lazy to carry down the stairs. Said pulley system is made from a finger knitted scarf that is about 12 feet long - Sidney's summer camp project.

The declaration of "life being a disappointment" by the nine year old who feels the need to give the six year old a hearty dose of reality.

A "student of the week" picture with the principal, certificate and pennant tucked away in a backpack waiting to be uncovered. When asked why Ashton didn't come forward with the news, he simply responded, "I wanted to surprise you Mommy."

Sidney asking me how much money I make and actually expecting a response.

...this is what makes my world go round - and keeps a smile on my face.

Moments

I'm a big fan of Mitch Albom. His books are profound, short reads that all relate to life experiences. For One More Day is my personal favorite. Albom explores the idea of what you would do if you had one more day with someone you've lost. What would that last day look like? What would I do? How would I do it differently? Hindsight is 20/20...or at least that's what they say.

My perspective of life has undergone tremendous change in the past few years as a result of great pain and loss. I have a stronger sense of what is important and work diligently to filter out the crap that is not. Cherishing every experience with my kids. Embracing a deeper love for my philanthropic efforts - specifically as they relate to people and the hardships they endure. Surrounding myself with family + friends who positively impact my life. Living life to the fullest and not taking a single thing for granted. Treasuring each moment that merits a click of the replay button. Creating moments so I am not left wondering what I would do if I had one more day.

“Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” 

- Hilary Cooper

The Face of Homeless

Ever wonder what "homeless" looks like? Tonight, I found myself studying faces in between serving up burgers. What I found was there are many at the Haven who "look homeless." Unkempt. Disheveled. Torn and tattered. ...the have-nots if you will. It's the folks who don't fit that mold that make you question how they got there. A young man who has the face that could grace a cover of a magazine. A teenager who I hope has not dropped out of school. Women who bring young children for a meal. These anomalies are startling. However, the one man who stuck out to me more than any other was a young man - maybe late twenties, early thirties.

The resident kitchen aide made a call for those who would like more food to take what they would like on the trays that were not touched. I listened to this young man ask if he could take something additional off a tray. His face was red and he stuttered when he asked, "Can I take something off a tray?" When asked what he wanted he responded, "soup." There were plenty of folks who ravaged the cookies, dessert and pop. This man wanted soup. By the looks of him he needed soup. He had two extra bowls and I watched him retrieve them both. He was hungry. Truly hungry.

So, what does homeless look like? ...I would argue it looks empty.

The Best Kind of Zit

I've made it my personal mission to sit on the couch with the kids at least a couple nights a week. Nights that Sidney doesn't have practice or 2 hours of homework make ideal nights. It's truly rewarding to hunker down with the kids, watch TV and not focus on anything other than being in the moment - with them. It's priceless.

I had the most interesting experience with Ashton this week. We were watching Billy the Exterminator (that's right, I said it...don't judge me!) with Sidney attached to my hip and Ashton on my lap. Without warning, he pulled my face right next to his and held it there. He held it there for about 15 minutes. Physically connected - cheek to cheek. I tried to assure him that if he let go I wouldn't move. I would stay firmly in place. Just where he intended for me to be. It was as if he didn't even hear me. His hand remained on my face pressing my face to his. I have no idea what his motivation was, but neither one of us seemed to mind it much.

Where does the zit come in, you ask? Well, little boys aren't exactly hygiene conscious 100% of the time. His dirty little paw on my face for that period of time certainly sprouted an awesome zit. I suppose if I have to have one this is the best way to get it!

Another Day in Paradise

I may have been off the grid for a while, but I have not lost my edge. Especially as it relates to sarcasm.

Everyday I am cautiously optimistic that the next day will be the day where I see the light at the end of the tunnel. The insanity will become more tolerable. This ridiculous pace of life I keep will slow. And then I sit down at 9pm and wonder where the day went and question if I have signed everyone's agenda book and planted a snack in their bag. ...another day, some other way.

I was in my flurry of dropping Sidney off at basketball and taking Ashton for a hair cut when he interrupted my cluttered thought process of evaluating the next item on the list and the time allotted to complete said task. As we were standing in the hall waiting for the varsity players to vacate the gym, my blonde beauty is hitting my leg. "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy." I snapped out of the trance and responded to his plea. "What Buddy?" He's blatantly pointing at someone, although I dare not look and states in a very matter-of-fact tone "Mommy, that guy is 'all tatted up.'"After I pushed my eyes back into my head, set his arm and index finger at ease I erupted with laughter. Of course, this is a Lisa-ism that he picked up and applied in proper context.

Kudos to Ashton for listening, comprehension and proper execution. Makes the day a little brighter.

Hiatus

The hiatus is over. I'm back on the wagon. I've missed my storytelling outlet. In the past few months it's been traded for half-marathon training, kids' athletics, vacations, Wishes Can Happen, 4th grade homework, work insanity and quite frankly - sheer exhaustion.

A former colleague and good friend of mine, Brett, illustrated this picture of me - as Wonder Woman. I've always loved Wonder Woman...even as a child. Now I have become her.