Desperate Why

Remember my 2012 Reflections? The overarching theme of what is important in life. Well, I had a face-to-face with that reality again this week. This time it wasn't my story. It was a story that my friend shared with me - one written beautifully by one of her friends who has learned what the meaning of life truly is.

"What is your DESPERATE why?"

In a flash my eyes welled up as I felt a jolt of pain in my chest.
 
Want to know my desperate why?

These four men are my why. Jeff and I got caught up in the rat race in the last two years. Which took us away from what mattered, family. We spent very little time together, no enjoying life and very little laughter. Instead, we were separated...like when you throw something into a fan. Split and tattered into a million pieces. It almost broke us down, enough to rip our little family apart. Thank God we woke up.

Now, we are committed more than ever before to simplify our lives. We reminded one another about the reason we decided to build a life together to begin with. Truth is, success is never defined by "things" or "money". True success is finding joy and honoring love. Savoring every moment that we are on this earth. Waking every morning with thoughts of gratitude. Gratitude for the love you have, not for the things you have.

Now, this does not mean we will not continue to put our strength behind our work, this just means that our priorities shifted. They are where they should be. And although we still have our work cut out for us, we are now present every step of the way. And that my friends, is priceless.

I urge you to ask yourself these questions:

Do you know your "Desperate Why"?
Are you stuck on the wrong path?
Is fear of change holding you back?
Are you more concerned with what might be said about you if you shift your path instead of what's right for you and your family?

It is never too late to make a positive change in your life.

Thank you, Denise, for sharing. And, thank you - Anna Cummins - for being bold enough to share your hard life lessons.

www.theevilwiener.com 

Unkowingly Profound

Sidney's basketball team has been on a bit of a losing streak. They play well, but they fizzle at the end of the game. By the 4th quarter, will and stamina are not considered equal.

Prior to suiting up for Saturday's game Sidney issued a very profound statement. "Mom, I need a win." Tired of losing. In desperate need of seeing the fruits of her labor. A win is needed. Indeed it is, Sidney.

Her team won and she left me with a statement that addresses an ongoing pain of mine. I, too, am in need of a win. It will happen - it's just never fast enough.

2012 Reflections

It's that time of year. Not a time to project what the new year will bring, what resolutions I will make and break, but rather to reflect what I have experienced. 2012 has proven to be a rebuilding year. Personally and professionally. Rebuilding certainly brings challenge. But, it also can yield reward.



I've learned...when one door closes, another one opens. But, walk cautiously because you don't know what is on the other side until you are through it.

I've learned...my circle is small. Tight. And, that's the way I like it.

I've learned...even "food poisoning" can be funny in the company of good friends and it never gets old talking about it.

I've learned...fourth grade homework is work - even with a college degree.

I've learned...you can find friends in unlikely places - embracing a new relationship while exposing potential vulnerabilities leads to rich experiences.

I've learned...my heart is in service. Not the rat race.

I've learned...setting a goal and achieving it is quite possibly one of the most rewarding feelings a person can have.

I've learned...my kids are flipping hysterical and not a day goes by that they haven't made me laugh.

I've learned...while time heals, it's never fast enough.

I've learned...you only go around once. Make the most of it. Carpe Diem.

I've learned...self control is easier said than done. Especially while being a spectator at my kids' games.

I've learned...sunshine can be found in any situation. Sometimes you just have to dig to uncover it.

I've learned...there's nothing "half" about a half marathon.

Here's to 2013. May it be filled with health and happiness.

Empty

My heart is heavy and has been since the Sandy Hook shooting. Tragedy does not seem to do this incident justice. Its unimaginable. Unfathomable. Incomprehensible.

I've heard the news recounted time and time again. I've seen the faces of these innocent little people whose lives were taken. I been overwhelmed with imagery of utter pain. And, I can't help but to wonder how would I react? What would I do? How could I go on?

These families have gaping holes - physically and emotionally. My heart, prayers and thoughts are with them all.

Levity

There are a few things that absolutely calm me. My kids humor - intentional or unintentional - is always a welcome change from the rat race that I have found to be my reality. I can walk through the door with a day's worth of baggage and stress and I hear Ashton say, "Mommy's home" and it all melts away. At least for a moment.

This week has been extra comedic.

Sidney's contract to (not with) her brother - which I am sure he could not read - stating that his signature indebted him to her if a ransom was not paid. Of course he signed on the line. He can write his name - why wouldn't he sign?

Ashton's newly found love for engineering - crafting a pulley system that lowers down objects that he's too lazy to carry down the stairs. Said pulley system is made from a finger knitted scarf that is about 12 feet long - Sidney's summer camp project.

The declaration of "life being a disappointment" by the nine year old who feels the need to give the six year old a hearty dose of reality.

A "student of the week" picture with the principal, certificate and pennant tucked away in a backpack waiting to be uncovered. When asked why Ashton didn't come forward with the news, he simply responded, "I wanted to surprise you Mommy."

Sidney asking me how much money I make and actually expecting a response.

...this is what makes my world go round - and keeps a smile on my face.

Moments

I'm a big fan of Mitch Albom. His books are profound, short reads that all relate to life experiences. For One More Day is my personal favorite. Albom explores the idea of what you would do if you had one more day with someone you've lost. What would that last day look like? What would I do? How would I do it differently? Hindsight is 20/20...or at least that's what they say.

My perspective of life has undergone tremendous change in the past few years as a result of great pain and loss. I have a stronger sense of what is important and work diligently to filter out the crap that is not. Cherishing every experience with my kids. Embracing a deeper love for my philanthropic efforts - specifically as they relate to people and the hardships they endure. Surrounding myself with family + friends who positively impact my life. Living life to the fullest and not taking a single thing for granted. Treasuring each moment that merits a click of the replay button. Creating moments so I am not left wondering what I would do if I had one more day.

“Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” 

- Hilary Cooper

The Face of Homeless

Ever wonder what "homeless" looks like? Tonight, I found myself studying faces in between serving up burgers. What I found was there are many at the Haven who "look homeless." Unkempt. Disheveled. Torn and tattered. ...the have-nots if you will. It's the folks who don't fit that mold that make you question how they got there. A young man who has the face that could grace a cover of a magazine. A teenager who I hope has not dropped out of school. Women who bring young children for a meal. These anomalies are startling. However, the one man who stuck out to me more than any other was a young man - maybe late twenties, early thirties.

The resident kitchen aide made a call for those who would like more food to take what they would like on the trays that were not touched. I listened to this young man ask if he could take something additional off a tray. His face was red and he stuttered when he asked, "Can I take something off a tray?" When asked what he wanted he responded, "soup." There were plenty of folks who ravaged the cookies, dessert and pop. This man wanted soup. By the looks of him he needed soup. He had two extra bowls and I watched him retrieve them both. He was hungry. Truly hungry.

So, what does homeless look like? ...I would argue it looks empty.