Making Mistakes Since 1964

This is the tagline of my dear friend, John Puglia. "Making Mistakes Since 1964." The first time he said that to me I laughed hysterically thinking that he had just made some witty comeback to my accusation of him missing something that I had provided to him earlier in the day. Turns out, it's his official sign off - and he had the rubber stamp to prove it. Really, he did.

John had a real liking for taglines apparently - he bestowed two upon me. The first one should be no surprise to anyone - "The Girl on the Grid." He teased me incessantly for living and dying by schedules, getting excited about well-created spreadsheet and matrices and being a machine in some cases. In fact, he would leave me notes on grid paper just to reinforce his theory and thereby validating the tagline. The second tagline he gave me was "Blonde Roots. Really." I had a picture of my Granddad and I sitting on my desk and I was about three years old - and blonde. John would often tease me for being book-smart and lacking common sense - and specifically having no navigational sense whatsoever. Despite my dark hair, he was convinced the blonde roots were still there.

Our friendship really took hold a year ago - during a 24-hour, round-the-clock, work frenzy known as CreateAThon. I was on John's team and we really got to know each other well and had some quality bonding time through that experience. Nothing says bonding like a 1:30am walk to The Interstate - a notoriously gay bar - in Akron. I suppose he thought it would be good to wake me up if the cold air in the wee hours in the morning didn't do it. He was right. This was the first of many experiences we would have and share for the next year.

He introduced me to a new realm of restaurants, drinks, live music venues, speak-easies and bands. He also instilled in me an appreciation for experiences. These should not be understated. He invited me into his world - knowing it would be completely different than what I was accustomed to. He lived life to the fullest - experiencing every moment and challenged me to do the same.

I lost John a week ago today. I did. His boys did. His parents did. Numerous other friends and family. We all lost John - and what a loss that is. I still have not fully comprehended his expedited departure despite the fact that I attended his funeral only days ago. It was too soon. Far too soon for a person so full of life, energy and amazing talent. He loved life and that passion was contagious. To say I will miss him is a gross understatement.

John and I - CreateAThon 2012

Faith

Hebrews 11 states, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Whether or not you believe (in God) faith is something that can be a difficult practice. Webster defines faith as "a firm belief or complete trust in something for which there is no proof." Not really my strong suit. I'm more of a fact-based, show me the data kind of a girl. I'm finding the facts and the data don't always point to the appropriate solution.

Sunday morning I sat in church listening to a message on faith. Actively listening. Reading ahead in Hebrews 11 to the next verse. Hungry to refresh myself on the notable acts of faith. Parting of the Red Sea, ark building....that's serious faith. 

I'm making the shift to demonstrate greater faith in virtually every aspect of my life - personally and professionally. Leaps aren't easy. I guess why they are leaps of faith.

Restoration

Have you ever just had life jump up and smack you in the face calling for your attention? As in, "what the hell are you doing and why?" I suppose there are points in life where you need to be face-to-face with complete loss before you fully realize what you stand to lose. And, how profound that truly is.

To say that the past several months, and arguably the past year, have been trying and turbulent would be a gross understatement. Watching yourself slowly slip away from things and people that absolutely make you a whole person is painful. Fairly torturous. Hearing those closest to you say, "you've changed", "you aren't yourself anymore", "you've lost your levity" and knowing that it is all true is pierces a soul.

I'm here to say healing has begun. It's a tough path. It's not instantaneous. But, it's progress. And progress is success.

The Finer Things in Life

Who thought that basketball - fourth grade basketball - would fall under a headline like "The Finer Things in Life...."

I have had the privilege of witnessing my daughter's growth - both on and off the court - for the past several months. There is nothing more satisfying than watching your child sharpen her skills. Develop confidence. Experience the value of being a member of a team - a tribe, if you will. Exuding passion that most adults cannot fathom. It's been truly refreshing and inspiring.

Her tenacious spirit is contagious. She keeps me grounded - reminds me what the finer things in life truly are.

Expectations

Expectations are a hell of a thing to live up to. Your own. Others'. They can make you feel like you are on top of the world when you meet or exceed them. Or, they can suck you into a self-loathing abyss when you don't quit hit the mark.

On my run Saturday with Jill I had the expectation to run 8 miles. This is always established up-front so you push toward a goal. I can tell you, I did not meet the 8 mile mark. I came up short. The reality of that run was that either allergies or recycled airplane air wreaked havoc on my sinuses - hence making breathing difficult. I just couldn't get enough air. I was completely frustrated as I had to walk throughout the course of that run and with each walk-break becoming more annoyed with myself. I kept apologizing to Jill as she stayed next to me throughout what would become a 10k. Her response was always that it was fine. Not a big deal. Just happy to be spending time together.

Jill's expectation was a bit different than mine - her focus was spending time together. Mine was completing an eight-mile run. Despite the utter frustration associated with my lack of performance, I walked away from that experience thinking that I really just need to set the expectation that I'm spending time with my friends and getting a decent work-out as a fringe benefit. Maybe, just maybe, setting a lighter expectation will yield a more impressive result.

2011 Reflections

Most people look to the new year with resolutions and grandiose ideas of what the new year will bring. I have done that in a slightly different way. I choose to reflect on 2011 so I can apply my learnings to 2012.

2011 certainly has not been all sunshine and lollipops. However, I have learned a lot. For better or worse. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish until death parts us. I've experienced so many things in the past year.

I've learned...what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And, when it is our time, it's not a matter of giving up. It's a decision to move on.

I've learned...there is strength in numbers.

I've learned...some relationships are worth some hassle and temporary disappointment. Others are not.

I've learned...even "food poisoning" can be funny in the company of good friends.

I've learned...while I love technology there is such a thing as overload. Sometimes it's beneficial to check the smart phone at the door.

I've learned...I prefer to flip an actual page of a book rather than a virtul one...no matter how good the graphics are.

I've learned...you can find friends in unlikely places.

I've learned...my kids are absolutely hysterical...intentionally and unintentionally.

I've learned...it truly is better to give than to receive.

I've learned...there are actually such things as stupid cats. And, I own one.

I've learned...the depths of love and loss.

I've learned...while time heals, it's never fast enough.

I've learned...that I have acquired a taste for running and can now understand how Forrest Gump became so addicted to it.

I've learned...board games are still relevant. Especially when it is the game "Things" and it's being played with people who share my sense of humor.

I've learned..."stay home days" totally rock and wearing PJ's all day should not be under-valued.

I've gleaned quite a bit from the year. ...here's to a year ahead filled with Sunshine and Lollipops.

Life Happens

My blogging has once again taken a nose-dive in the face of multi-tasking and life induced ADD. If there were more hours in the day. If I weren't running around so much. If the kids social lives weren't more social than my own. If I didn't over-commit. If I didn't succumb to the fall line up of TV. If I didn't discover pinterest. If I didn't love Zumba. ...I would certainly be blogging more about all of the fun and not-so-fun events of late.

I guess for now, I'll just live life, and catch you up on it later.

Thought Provoking Statements

....some statements that caught my attention over the past week.....

"Familiarity breeds contempt."  - Publilius Syrus

"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.  If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?  And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.  Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."   - Steve Jobs

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things

I cannot change

The Courage to change the 

things I can

And the Wisdom to know the difference.

For many years, I thought that this prayer was just a nice saying.  Maybe even a bit cliche.  Typically this piece is spayed all over plaques, knick-knacks and cheap artwork.  It tends to lose it's value.

In the past several months, it has become very real to me.  I am a control freak, mostly.  And, when I don't have control of things that I believe I should, it eats me alive.  Quite literally.  I have begun to realize that I have to focus on what can be changed and letting the rest go.  

A very valuable life lesson to learn...and a tough one, for sure.  At least for a control freak like me!