Spring Has Sprung

It's true - it finally happened. After a long, frigid winter the sun and some glimpses of warmth found their way back to Northeast Ohio. It couldn't come soon enough for me.

I am a lover of the sun, heat and blooming things. These are all signs of life to me. And, everything is so much better when the sun is shining! 

As I was driving this week, I noticed an elderly gentleman working in his field - tending to a broken fence that no doubt was creamed by high winds and crazy amounts of snow this winter. It reminded me so much of my Granddad. If the weather was decent, he could be found tinkering in the yard, shed or garage. That's just how he rolled. It took me back to a time when he was here. Vibrant. Alive. Oh how I miss him. But, oh so thankful for my memories.

A Year Marks the Spot

One year ago today...around this very time of evening, I was at the bedside of my Granddad saying my final goodbyes. Alongside of my brother, sister in law, cousin, mom and Grandie the pain of loss was the air we were breathing. I have never felt pain so deep. So profound. It was only a matter of hours before he traded this world for a perfect body in eternity. Heaven gained an angel the morning of February 3, 2011.

One year later I am left to reflect.

The pain isn't gone. Some days it is more dull than others. The absence of my Granddad is felt week in and week out. My mind has fully accepted that he is gone. My heart is not quite there yet. When you have lived a life as my Granddad has, when you have left a legacy of honor, integrity and love as he did - it makes it very difficult for those left behind to let go.

Granddad was an incredible man. I remember him today. Everyday.

A Tribute to My Granddad - February 8, 2011:

We are here today to honor the memory of William “Bill” Chipps and to celebrate his life.  He was a devoted husband.  A loving father.  An exceptional Granddad.  A doting Great Granddad.  Wonderful Uncle & loyal friend.  He enjoyed ninety years of life, sixty four years of marriage to Miriam, two children, four grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren.  He lived his life surrounded by those he loved and many who loved him.  

Bill enjoyed working with his hands.  He could often be found fixing something that was broken—or doing maintenance so that it wouldn’t break.  He offered his expertise to his church, his family, his friends.  There was no challenge that he met that could not be fixed.  He often went to sleep with the problem in mind, and awoke in the morning with the solution.

He always was very active and loved to woodwork, fish, golf, bowl, travel and spend time at his cabin in Piedmont.  Many friends and family members participated in friendly competition with Bill either on the golf course or at the bowling alley.  We enjoyed many trips creating life-long memories with Bill.  Be it a vacation out West in a converted camper, a jaunt to the beach where we were walked out in the ocean to where the tide breaks to catch a wave or a weekend cruising the lake and fishing in Piedmont.  These are the priceless memories that we will hold, cherish and pass down for days and years to come.  

The Chipps family reunions at Wingfoot Lake were always a highlight of the summer—for all of us.  There was a certain anticipation that came along with every year to see family who had traveled from various parts of the country come together for one day to celebrate one thing—being family.  Whether it was a ride on a paddle boat, playing a game of horseshoes, a friendly game of sand volleyball or whirling on a merry-go-round, Bill ensured that this one day was a memorable one for all who attended.  In families sometimes there is a member who acts as the "glue" that holds the family together.  He was that "glue."

Heritage was also very important to Bill.  Knowing where you came from and how that shaped where you were going was a golden nugget that he passed along to all of us.  If you were willing to sit and listen, he was amenable to share his stories, challenges, triumphs and life lessons with you.  We’ve all learned, benefited and become better people as a result of his life.  His heritage.

For those of us who were lucky enough to be a part of his family, we learned much from him.  He taught us the value of family—relying on each other, helping one another and spending time together.   The value of a hard day’s work and the necessity of rest.  The importance of faith in Christ and involvement in church.   Determination to see something through, start to finish.  Through his demonstration of unconditional love we all became closely entwined with Bill.  He was an extraordinary role model, mentor and encourager.  

 “But though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.”  “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:  for the former things are passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)
We find  peace and solace that “Bill”, “Dad”, “Granddad”, “Great Granddad”, “Uncle Bill” has become whole again and we will see him again one day in Glory.  Until then, we will miss you sorely.   

2011 Reflections

Most people look to the new year with resolutions and grandiose ideas of what the new year will bring. I have done that in a slightly different way. I choose to reflect on 2011 so I can apply my learnings to 2012.

2011 certainly has not been all sunshine and lollipops. However, I have learned a lot. For better or worse. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish until death parts us. I've experienced so many things in the past year.

I've learned...what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And, when it is our time, it's not a matter of giving up. It's a decision to move on.

I've learned...there is strength in numbers.

I've learned...some relationships are worth some hassle and temporary disappointment. Others are not.

I've learned...even "food poisoning" can be funny in the company of good friends.

I've learned...while I love technology there is such a thing as overload. Sometimes it's beneficial to check the smart phone at the door.

I've learned...I prefer to flip an actual page of a book rather than a virtul one...no matter how good the graphics are.

I've learned...you can find friends in unlikely places.

I've learned...my kids are absolutely hysterical...intentionally and unintentionally.

I've learned...it truly is better to give than to receive.

I've learned...there are actually such things as stupid cats. And, I own one.

I've learned...the depths of love and loss.

I've learned...while time heals, it's never fast enough.

I've learned...that I have acquired a taste for running and can now understand how Forrest Gump became so addicted to it.

I've learned...board games are still relevant. Especially when it is the game "Things" and it's being played with people who share my sense of humor.

I've learned..."stay home days" totally rock and wearing PJ's all day should not be under-valued.

I've gleaned quite a bit from the year. ...here's to a year ahead filled with Sunshine and Lollipops.

April 6, 1920

Isn't it ironic that my Granddad, the most modest person I know, was born into what was arguably the most boisterous and richest decade of history.  The roaring twenties.  The era of the flappers.  The rise of technology.  The introduction of the Model T.  A period of volatile politics. 

Granddad, you just didn't fit that mold.

Today we observed your birthday...your 91st birthday.  It seems hard to believe that only a year ago we gathered nearly one hundred of your family members and friends together to celebrate 90 years of your life.  What a great celebration that was!  The surprise on your face to watch each and every person enter the reception hall.  Catching up with old friends, distant family members.  They all came to celebrate one thing.  You.

We miss you today.  Oh how I wish that I could have called you today to say "Happy Birthday."  To ask Grandie what time we would get together on Saturday and what I could bring.  Wondering if you were going to have a fruit pie or a coconut cake and hoping there was whipped topping so we could pacify the kids who preferred a fruit-free dessert. 

Instead of talking to you today, I walked with you.  I went to the park over my lunch dressed in your Columbia pull-over and we walked.  I needed some connection that was tangible, not just memories.  Your cologne lingers on that fleece.  If offers a piece of you, even if you aren't physically here.  It was warm comfort on a cold, rainy day.  On a fairly sad day.  Just as your pictures scroll across my digital picture frame, so did the memories.  They do everyday, but today especially.  Your picture fills the April 6 box on my calendar.  My reminder of your birthday...as if I could forget.

Tonight we had Grandie over for dinner, because we enjoy her company and because I can see the pain on her face every time we are together.  She misses you dearly.  We talked about you.  We talked about family.  We tried to fill the void. I miss you everyday and think of you at least ten times a day.

While we aren't having a party this weekend, you are close to our hearts and always on our minds.

 I hope that today, on your 91st birthday, you get a slice of rhubarb pie and a steamy cup of coffee. 

Closure

One phone call this afternoon and I am once again left to wonder what it is I am feeling.  The phone call was to the Ohio Western Reserve National Cemetery.  This is where Granddad was laid to rest on February 8th.

Ohio Western Reserve National Cemetery

As with most burials, headstones are not typically on site the day that you say your final farewell to your loved one.  And, certainly not in a military cemetery.  We were told that it would be 30-60 days before his marker was set and that is rough timing.  I am very familiar with what rough timing means...it means best case scenario.  You can imagine my surprise when I called to check "the status" of his headstone placement and they responded by saying, "It was set on March 4th, Ma'am.  You are free to come any time you would like during the cemetery hours.  Again, our deepest condolences." I didn't expect to hear that.  I was relatively speechless.  Those who know me well know that speechless is not a part of my vocabulary.  "Thank you."  That's all I could say. 

Quickly, I hopped online just to see if Granddad was now also listed in the registry of Veterans who were buried in this field of honor.  ...there it was.

William Willard Chipps

MoMM1 US Navy

World War II

Date of Birth:  April 6, 1920

Date of Death:  February 3, 2011

I called my mother.  I am certain this was the last thing she expected to hear today.  "Mom, Granddad's stone has been set.  Please let Grandie know."  ...silence...

It's no surprise that this day was coming.  In fact, nothing should have come as a surprise since November.  While it's not surprising, it's uncharted waters.  New territory.  This headstone placement gives Granddad's life and death the final closure.  It's the last item on the list that remained unchecked.  And now it's finished.  

Now what?

Folding Clothes

Typically folding laundry is a chore that I loathe.  It's not necessarily a bad thing if it means that I'm parked on the couch with several baskets of clothes to fold and I can reclaim control of the DVR.  It is a bit daunting when you know you have to fold it and then put it all away.  Quite honestly, it's just easier if it sits in the baskets and you can get what you need when you need it.  Easier doesn't mean better.  Especially if you battle with OCD.

Sunday I did a different type of clothes folding.  These clothes were not being folded and put into baskets, they were being folded and put into bags to donate to folks who need them.

These clothes were Granddad's.

There were carefully sorted stacks of clothing across the guest room bed.  Shirts.  Sweaters.  Pants.  Suits.  Coats.  Ties.  Hats.  Gloves.  These items took up residence here about two weeks ago.  They were placed on the bed and then the door was shut.

My mother and I walked in together, looked at the bed realizing these were the last of the clothes to go, and cried.  Yes, they are clothes.  But, they were his clothes and bagging them up seemed to signify that we were ready to part with them.  With him.  I assure you, we're not.  But, what good are they doing sitting on the bed?

I started on the first stack.  Unfolded a piece, studied it just a bit and then refolded it with care.  I racked my brain over and over again trying to recall a memory associated with each piece.  With many pieces I envisioned Granddad wearing that sweater to a birthday or some other function.  It was hard to part with that memory.  With a physical piece of the memory.

What should have taken 10 minutes took a hour.  Every piece was unfolded, refolded and placed in the bag.  I took a couple pieces for myself...just a few I couldn't part with. ...and that was it.  Granddad's clothes wound up in black trash bags and put in a trunk.

I am sure they will find an owner who appreciates them for an entirely different reason than we do.  Because they need them.  They have nothing else.

I find comfort in that...and I wonder if I will ever see one of the homeless at The Haven wearing a coat or sweater of Granddad's.

New Reality

Yesterday we entered a new reality that for the past week we knew would come.  Getting together as a family without my Granddad. 

Last night was Mexican at the Marshalls.  Moving away from the casserole dishes that we have been living on for the past week, we decided that it was time for a taco and a margarita.  At 5:30 the family gathered and by 6:00 we were filling our plates.  We all sat down at the table together to try to get back to some kind of normal.  But, it's not normal.  We were missing one very important person--Granddad.  While no one explicitly stated the oddity of gathering without him, undoubtedly, we all felt it. 

We shared some thoughts and stories.  We laughed, ate and drank. We miss him.

It's not the same.  It is, however, our new reality. 

The Black Hole

Over the past four weeks I feel like I have been sucked into the abyss.  I've sunk into an overwhelming feeling of sadness and pain.  I can say I have never felt like this before.

Initially it was sadness for what I anticipated was coming.  Now it is the pain of loss.  The pain that Grandie has and will endure because she's lost her life partner, her love, her best friend.  The indefinite sorrow my mother will face as she can no longer turn to her father for support, advice and companionship.  The uncertainty my children will feel as the family gathers and their Great Granddad is no long present.  My personal agony as I grieve him...what I've lost.  What we have all lost.

I have only found comfort in the presence of a few.  Mainly the family who gathered around the bedside of my Granddad and joined me in saying our goodbyes.  I suppose because we all shared a common pain.  They can relate to the anguish that was shared in that room.  I find it hard to be "normal" in my own home.  Around my own children, my husband.  I want to crawl under a pile of covers and lose myself until I can find my old self. 

This pain is real.  It's deep.  And there is no bandaid large enough to cover it.

A Tribute To My Granddad

We are here today to honor the memory of William “Bill” Chipps and to celebrate his life.  He was a devoted husband.  A loving father.  An exceptional Granddad.  A doting Great Granddad.  Wonderful Uncle & loyal friend.  He enjoyed ninety years of life, sixty four years of marriage to Miriam, two children, four grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren.  He lived his life surrounded by those he loved and many who loved him.  

Bill enjoyed working with his hands.  He could often be found fixing something that was broken—or doing maintenance so that it wouldn’t break.  He offered his expertise to his church, his family, his friends.  There was no challenge that he met that could not be fixed.  He often went to sleep with the problem in mind, and awoke in the morning with the solution.

He always was very active and loved to woodwork, fish, golf, bowl, travel and spend time at his cabin in Piedmont.  Many friends and family members participated in friendly competition with Bill either on the golf course or at the bowling alley.  We enjoyed many trips creating life-long memories with Bill.  Be it a vacation out West in a converted camper, a jaunt to the beach where we were walked out in the ocean to where the tide breaks to catch a wave or a weekend cruising the lake and fishing in Piedmont.  These are the priceless memories that we will hold, cherish and pass down for days and years to come.  

The Chipps family reunions at Wingfoot Lake were always a highlight of the summer—for all of us.  There was a certain anticipation that came along with every year to see family who had traveled from various parts of the country come together for one day to celebrate one thing—being family.  Whether it was a ride on a paddle boat, playing a game of horseshoes, a friendly game of sand volleyball or whirling on a merry-go-round, Bill ensured that this one day was a memorable one for all who attended.  In families sometimes there is a member who acts as the "glue" that holds the family together.  He was that "glue."

Heritage was also very important to Bill.  Knowing where you came from and how that shaped where you were going was a golden nugget that he passed along to all of us.  If you were willing to sit and listen, he was amenable to share his stories, challenges, triumphs and life lessons with you.  We’ve all learned, benefited and become better people as a result of his life.  His heritage.

For those of us who were lucky enough to be a part of his family, we learned much from him.  He taught us the value of family—relying on each other, helping one another and spending time together.   The value of a hard day’s work and the necessity of rest.  The importance of faith in Christ and involvement in church.   Determination to see something through, start to finish.  Through his demonstration of unconditional love we all became closely entwined with Bill.  He was an extraordinary role model, mentor and encourager.  

 “But though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.”  “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:  for the former things are passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

We find  peace and solace that “Bill”, “Dad”, “Granddad”, “Great Granddad”, “Uncle Bill” has become whole again and we will see him again one day in Glory.  Until then, we will miss you sorely.   

Incredible Family

I've always known how close my family was.  At least I thought I did.  Wednesday evening I learned our true strength, together as one unit.

As we stood at the bedside of my Granddad, we joined hands and we prayed.  We thanked God for giving us such a wonderful Husband, Father, Granddad and Great Granddad.  We thanked God for all of the years we had to learn from him.  We thanked God for the guidance Granddad gave us.  We thanked God for all of the love he shared with us.  We thanked God for the influence he had and for the leader of the family he was. 

We cried, we held his hands and we prayed.  We told him that we were giving him back to God so he could be whole again.  This was the hardest thing we had to do.  To let go.  To give him back.

Thursday morning he left this world for his new life in Heaven. 

We've cried.  We've held hands.  We've prayed. 

Shortage of Sunshine

Today is a day that I would like to have hit the fast forward button on.  It was full of worry and anticipation and ended with unexpected news.

Granddad's health has taken a nose dive within a 24 hour time span.  I just spent the weekend with my family.  With my grandparents.  With my out of state family.  He had a rough week, but by Sunday he seemed to be somewhat better.  This afternoon I'm told he's incoherent has overly laborious breathing and has been catheterized.  Tomorrow he will likely be moved into the hospice floor of the hospital.

There are so many emotions I have, as does my family.  Too many to try to capture in this post.

My sunshine is scarce today.  My prayer for my family is that joy will come in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Life

There are so many quotes associated with the word life.  Life's a beach.  Life sucks.  If life gives your lemons, make lemonade.  ...I can go on & on.

What I know is that life is precious.

I have been reminded of this in various ways through various people--two of which who have impacted me.  One is a Sunday school friend, Tricia, from long ago.  The other is my Grandfather, hereto referred to as Granddad.

What I am not going to do here is go into a dissertation about their stories.  That defeats the purpose of a blog.  What I will do is tell you that their life experiences have influenced my outlook on life.  Indefinitely.

You can read about Tricia's story on her blog:  http://www.teachingtuckandty.blogspot.com/  The month of January will break your heart.  Open your eyes.  Give you perspective.  She lost her husband suddenly just two days before Christmas with two children at home.  Life certainly doesn't seem fair.


My 90 year old Granddad fights for breath everyday.  You see, he has congestive heart failure and is in a terminal stage with it.  There is no getting better.  There is surviving this until it takes him.  That is the reality of the situation.  Assisting in my grandparents estate planning, helping organize Hospice care and watching my husband spend his free time helping them with home improvements to make his care easier are all blaring reminders of what life has become for him. 

Granddad on his 90th birthday along with his 3 great grandchildren

Life is a lot of things.  Mainly it is to be cherished.