I'm skipping right over spring and moving to summer. I am so done with winter. The piles of snow. Frigid temperatures. Scrambling in the mornings that school is cancelled. Boots, winter gear, dirty floors! I am good with winter...right around Christmas. After that point, I'm good. Let's move on.
I can only imagine how fantastic the hot, bright sun will be. The blooming flowers and trees. The strawberries and raspberries that keep the kids fingers and faces stained a dark red for the duration of the summer. The many failed attempts to plant corn with the pipe dream that this will be the year that it actually grows. Fresh markets, a cocktail on the patio. Running outside as early or as late as in would like. A trip to visit my Dad. A week at the beach.
Sweet summer...you keep me going.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Clear
Tonight I ran. It was the first time in several weeks that I have been able to run and clear my mind doing it. I've been battling a number of mental obstacles and where I once found running to be a haven, I've lately found it to be a means by which I further entrench myself in sorrow, anguish.
It was different tonight. I focused only on the music I was listening to. The pace at which I was running. The calorie counter ticking up with each stride that was being made. It was productive, both physically and mentally.
It was invigorating to be able to find my release again.
It was different tonight. I focused only on the music I was listening to. The pace at which I was running. The calorie counter ticking up with each stride that was being made. It was productive, both physically and mentally.
It was invigorating to be able to find my release again.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Supper with Grandie
Since Granddad passed away, my mother & I have made it our mission to minimize my Grandmother's (hereto referred to as Grandie) alone time. Especially at meal time.
My Grandparents were married for 64 years. That's a long time to "have & to hold" only to wake up one day and realize that your life partner is no longer there. Nights are hard for her. This was typically the time that she & Granddad would eat supper (as the older generation calls it), watch the evening news and read the newspaper. Occasionally, an evening power-nap was in order. At the end of their day they would retreat to the kitchen to enjoy a bedtime snack and some final conversation. The comfort of this routine has been turned upside down. She is now in an empty house where the only noise that is made is from the TV. The thought of this saddens me.
We have been together quite a bit over the past few months. More so over the past few weeks. Tomorrow marks three weeks since he slipped away. In that time we have come to rely on each other for support. We rely on Grandie, she relies on us. It works.
Of late, she comes to our home for dinner during the week and we have a meal with her at her house on the weekend. The time in between my Mom makes sure that supper void is filled. The kids entertain her with their high energy antics and she takes it all in. Laughing at them, commenting on their abilities to perform such tricks. They offer her piles of ripped blankets and stuffed animals because they know she is the one who "fixes" things. Grandie loves this. They need her to make these things better. Tonight they were teaching her bowling, tennis and baseball on the Wii. It's a great evening when she's here. One we all look forward to. I've learned to drink in these moments. They don't last forever.
Perhaps the greatest comfort I find in our supper nights with Grandie is that in the midst of all of the sadness, we continue to make wonderful memories.
My Grandparents were married for 64 years. That's a long time to "have & to hold" only to wake up one day and realize that your life partner is no longer there. Nights are hard for her. This was typically the time that she & Granddad would eat supper (as the older generation calls it), watch the evening news and read the newspaper. Occasionally, an evening power-nap was in order. At the end of their day they would retreat to the kitchen to enjoy a bedtime snack and some final conversation. The comfort of this routine has been turned upside down. She is now in an empty house where the only noise that is made is from the TV. The thought of this saddens me.
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| The "Greats" |
We have been together quite a bit over the past few months. More so over the past few weeks. Tomorrow marks three weeks since he slipped away. In that time we have come to rely on each other for support. We rely on Grandie, she relies on us. It works.
Of late, she comes to our home for dinner during the week and we have a meal with her at her house on the weekend. The time in between my Mom makes sure that supper void is filled. The kids entertain her with their high energy antics and she takes it all in. Laughing at them, commenting on their abilities to perform such tricks. They offer her piles of ripped blankets and stuffed animals because they know she is the one who "fixes" things. Grandie loves this. They need her to make these things better. Tonight they were teaching her bowling, tennis and baseball on the Wii. It's a great evening when she's here. One we all look forward to. I've learned to drink in these moments. They don't last forever.
Perhaps the greatest comfort I find in our supper nights with Grandie is that in the midst of all of the sadness, we continue to make wonderful memories.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Stay at Home Day
Ashton has declared Saturdays "Stay at Home Day." This is his favorite day of the week. There is Stay at Home Day, Church Day, and every other day to Ashton.
Saturday is the day that Ashton knows he can lounge in his superhero PJ's all day. Brush his teeth around noon. And, he may or may not get his hair combed until bath time in the evening. It's the one carefree day he has come to count on and look forward to.
With all of the chaos and uncertainty that has surrounded us for a few months, Ashton's tranquil oasis of cartoons, toys & PJ's has been rocked by shuffling from one house to another and scurrying around to get things done. He's just along for the ride.
I'm sure that life will slow down at some point and Ashton can return to his easy-come, easy-go Saturday. In the meantime, he is learning a few things. How we work together as a family and why.
Saturday is the day that Ashton knows he can lounge in his superhero PJ's all day. Brush his teeth around noon. And, he may or may not get his hair combed until bath time in the evening. It's the one carefree day he has come to count on and look forward to.
With all of the chaos and uncertainty that has surrounded us for a few months, Ashton's tranquil oasis of cartoons, toys & PJ's has been rocked by shuffling from one house to another and scurrying around to get things done. He's just along for the ride.
I'm sure that life will slow down at some point and Ashton can return to his easy-come, easy-go Saturday. In the meantime, he is learning a few things. How we work together as a family and why.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Who's On First?
Sidney had lacrosse practice today and she totally rocked it. She has mastered cradling with her right hand, has greatly improved cradling with her left had, can scoop like a pro and today learned how to shoot. Woohoo Sidney!
As she was out on there strutting her stuff, I sat on the sidelines fully prepared for another Saturday morning of lacrosse. For a parent, this consists of sitting on the sidelines with no chairs watching the coaches herd cats. I came armed today...I brought my iPad. It's been too long since I had the opportunity to spend quality time with "my" birthday gift.
I got about 2 rounds of Wheel of Fortune in until I was completely distracted by what I will call a conversation that was occurring next to me. Parents of one of the players were making their custody arrangements and discussing the outstanding child support. Again, right next to me. Call me crazy but it seems like there may be a better place to do that...I don't know, the hallway, a classroom, the telephone. Certainly not next to me and in front of 25 other parents. ...didn't seem to phase them though. They both had their calendars out stating their cases for why Wednesday worked better than Thursday. How the last check was late, what the amount of this check should be. I was completely uncomfortable being in ear-shot of this conversation let alone sitting right next to it. This went on for about 15 minutes but felt like an eternity.
Happy that conversation came to an end, I returned to my game...for about five minutes. The mother on the other side of me starting critiquing the organizational skills (or lack thereof) of the coach. I smiled, nodded my head...tried to keep playing. That didn't work out so well. She was insistent that there was a better way to conduct this practice, a way that the younger/smaller children could be more engaged. "Yes, I understand your point. The bigger kids are at a different skill set than the younger ones, but they can learn from the older ones, so I get why he is pairing them together." I suppose that my response fell on deaf ears as she continued to beat the dead horse. I managed to end the conversation...aka: griping session. "Well, I certainly wouldn't be willing to give up my Saturday mornings to teach 1st through 4th graders lacrosse, so from where I am sitting, he's doing an okay job."
The moral of the story is that I will pick my spot on the floor next Saturday after all of the parents have found their place first.
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| Sidney running drill |
As she was out on there strutting her stuff, I sat on the sidelines fully prepared for another Saturday morning of lacrosse. For a parent, this consists of sitting on the sidelines with no chairs watching the coaches herd cats. I came armed today...I brought my iPad. It's been too long since I had the opportunity to spend quality time with "my" birthday gift.
I got about 2 rounds of Wheel of Fortune in until I was completely distracted by what I will call a conversation that was occurring next to me. Parents of one of the players were making their custody arrangements and discussing the outstanding child support. Again, right next to me. Call me crazy but it seems like there may be a better place to do that...I don't know, the hallway, a classroom, the telephone. Certainly not next to me and in front of 25 other parents. ...didn't seem to phase them though. They both had their calendars out stating their cases for why Wednesday worked better than Thursday. How the last check was late, what the amount of this check should be. I was completely uncomfortable being in ear-shot of this conversation let alone sitting right next to it. This went on for about 15 minutes but felt like an eternity.
Happy that conversation came to an end, I returned to my game...for about five minutes. The mother on the other side of me starting critiquing the organizational skills (or lack thereof) of the coach. I smiled, nodded my head...tried to keep playing. That didn't work out so well. She was insistent that there was a better way to conduct this practice, a way that the younger/smaller children could be more engaged. "Yes, I understand your point. The bigger kids are at a different skill set than the younger ones, but they can learn from the older ones, so I get why he is pairing them together." I suppose that my response fell on deaf ears as she continued to beat the dead horse. I managed to end the conversation...aka: griping session. "Well, I certainly wouldn't be willing to give up my Saturday mornings to teach 1st through 4th graders lacrosse, so from where I am sitting, he's doing an okay job."
The moral of the story is that I will pick my spot on the floor next Saturday after all of the parents have found their place first.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Bath Time Conversation
As I was bathing Ashton this evening he looked at me and asked me a very profound question for a four year old. "Mommy are you sad because Granddad died?" I nearly fell off the edge of the bath tub. I wasn't expecting that. This little man of mine was asking me how I felt with the greatest sincerity. His concerned eyes were locked into mine. He was waiting for an answer. Perhaps a reaction. "Yes, Buddy, I'm sad because Granddad died. I love him a lot and I miss him." "I loved him too, Mommy." "Ashton, he thought you were greater than the stars in the sky. He thought you were the best!" "I know, Momma...he loved me too." And the tears started to flow.
Ashton doesn't do well with tears. He likes everyone happy all of the time. He immediately changed the subject by wrapping up his army men in his wash cloth and handing them to me. "Here Mommy I have a gift for you."
That conversation broke my heart for many reasons. Because he could see my pain. Because he misses Granddad. Because he knows that Granddad thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. Because he just wants his Momma to be happy.
Oh, how blessed I am to have such wonderful men in my life.
Ashton doesn't do well with tears. He likes everyone happy all of the time. He immediately changed the subject by wrapping up his army men in his wash cloth and handing them to me. "Here Mommy I have a gift for you."
That conversation broke my heart for many reasons. Because he could see my pain. Because he misses Granddad. Because he knows that Granddad thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. Because he just wants his Momma to be happy.
Oh, how blessed I am to have such wonderful men in my life.
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| Sidney, Ashton & Granddad: Father's Day 2010 |
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Glee
In the past few weeks, there have not been many instances where I have said "I'm happy." I haven't been, and as unfortunate as that is, it's just how it is. Lisa's Sunshine & Lollipops could probably be perceived by some as a "bait & switch." It's just where I am currently. But, I have often found music to be therapeutic...it seems I have in this case as well.
I love music. If I am working at my desk, I'm plugged in to Pandora. When I am in the car, the radio is cranked. While I am running, I drown out the sound of my breathing with my running play list on my Shuffle. So you get it, right? Music makes me happy!
I recently watched the Superbowl episode of Glee and found a slice of sunshine. As a true Gleek, watching the Thriller episode was incredibly satisfying. First of all Thriller by Michael Jackson is legendary in it's own right. It's packed with creativity that only Michael Jackson could produce. But, the modern day Thriller as performed by the geeks from glee club truly made me happy. How can you not smile after watching this performance? If you haven't seen it, you should certainly check it out. I may actually watch it again...just because I liked it so much. (that & Singing in the Rain!)
Glee Bliss!
So, I guess my blog isn't a total racket, right? I found some sunshine with Glee.
I love music. If I am working at my desk, I'm plugged in to Pandora. When I am in the car, the radio is cranked. While I am running, I drown out the sound of my breathing with my running play list on my Shuffle. So you get it, right? Music makes me happy!
I recently watched the Superbowl episode of Glee and found a slice of sunshine. As a true Gleek, watching the Thriller episode was incredibly satisfying. First of all Thriller by Michael Jackson is legendary in it's own right. It's packed with creativity that only Michael Jackson could produce. But, the modern day Thriller as performed by the geeks from glee club truly made me happy. How can you not smile after watching this performance? If you haven't seen it, you should certainly check it out. I may actually watch it again...just because I liked it so much. (that & Singing in the Rain!)
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| Glee Thriller picture from nymag.com |
Glee Bliss!
So, I guess my blog isn't a total racket, right? I found some sunshine with Glee.
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